Thursday, 2 January 2014

Case of Mistaken Identity Leads Former WWE Star to Northern Ireland 'Haas Talks'

The recent 'Haas talks' regarding a lasting in peace in Northern Ireland appeared to have suffered a severe blow today as it was revealed that the wrong Haas has been chairing over proceedings. It turns out that due to severe miscommunication, it was the former WWE wrestler Charlie Haas, not the US diplomat Richard Haas chairing the talks.

It has been revealed that the first inkling that something was amiss occurred when Gerry Kelly was hit in the face with a steel chair and Peter Robinson was piledriven through a burning table covered in barbed wire.

In the weeks of talks that followed, several Northern Irish politicians had their Achilles tendons ripped. At one point local Alliance Party representatives were encouraged to fight their SDLP counterparts in a Hell in a Cell type match which led to Anna Lo chokeslamming Alasdair McDonnell from the top of the forty foot steel monstrosity onto a bed of thumb tacks.

However, despite the initial misgivings, Charlie Haas' more physical approach to diplomatic talks appears to have gained the support of the public. As a result, a new wrestling federation has been created, with weekly grudge matches being scheduled for the next six weeks, ultimately culminating in a pay per view event titled 'Politically Incorrect' where a six man DUP tag team will face off against a Sinn Fein team in the worlds first 'Shove that gerbil up the other guys ass' match. The event will take place in Windsor Park and tickets are available for £75. Free flegs will be available for all those attending. 

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